moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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