Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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