I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
