I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
