ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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