i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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