I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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