hell yes lets make some ravioli
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
