You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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