I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
