We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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