I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
