they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
