theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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