I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
