3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
