I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
