GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize