I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
