Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
