Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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