you have to choose: penises or morals?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
