I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
