We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
