Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
