dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
