life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
