walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
