Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
