Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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