Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
