Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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