when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize