I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
