i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
