Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
