Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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