I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
