she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
