I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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