apparently the secret to your success is patron
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
