Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
