she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
