I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
