How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize