when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
