just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
