Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
