I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
