Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
