I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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