laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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