I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
