Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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