I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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