I wanna bring you to show and tell
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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