It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
